I was always a little awkward around the members of the opposite sex. My first memory of a boy chasing me is literally about a boy chasing me...on his bike. He was trying to give me a necklace as a present. I was 6 and horrified!!! Nervous and terrified, I rushed to my mother to tattle on him.
She asked, "What kind of necklace was it? Was it nice?" Didn't she appreciate the trauma I had just experienced!?
Later, in 4th grade, I got my first (and only) "Do you like me? Check yes or no" note. I was stunned with embarrassment. Instead of basking in this attention I slowly tore up the note into tiny pieces and made about 20 trips to the trash can to discreetly discard the evidence. The poor boy who gave it to me was totally perplexed. Where the heck did that note disappear to?
So that's how my life developed as far as boy attentions were concerned.
Now, one thing I've noticed about life development is this: the way I am as an adult is not too far from how I was as an awkward pre-teen. We are now who we were then, just taller (hopefully) and a bit more masked.
Several years ago we were living with my parents. I had 2 babies and was pregnant with my 3rd. I worked the early morning shift, 5-9. I would eat on the way to work and again, as soon as my short 4 hour shift was over. I was always famished!! That may be why I gained 63 pounds with my first child....
One morning I decided to swing into Sonic on my way home to get a burger for myself and my mom, who had been watching my boys. They were not prepared for my lunch order at 9:20 in the morning and I had to wait. No problem. I paid and was sitting at the window waiting for my cheeseburgers and tots when I noticed the kid at the window checking me out!
I was totally unprepared for this guy to be so blatantly looking at my chest! At first I was taken aback, but then, when I came to myself, I decided to be flattered! I mean, here I was, overweight and pregnant, but still attractive to some random stranger! Cool. I figured I must look pretty amazing!
After a few minutes he gave me my bag of saturated fats and I drove away. As I left, I decided to check my own self out.
Thats when I saw what the kid had really been checking out! Humility quickly took the place of any pride I may have acquired over my 'amazing' appearance.
Apparently, the oatmeal I had scarfed as I drove to work 4 hours earlier had fallen off my spoon, onto the seatbelt I was wearing, leaving a disgusting brown dried up clump of food over my heart. That's what had really caught this young mans eye.
Looking back I can only imagine what he really saw, an overweight, pregnant slob, who was so addicted to eating that she had to order fatty lunch foods before 10 in the morning. Didn't he know I had already been up for 5 hours and it was MY lunchtime!!!!
And so my life has gone. But I am maturing in some ways! These days, I'm more concerned about getting through the day without totally humiliating myself than how a random stranger sees me.
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